Not Number One? Why Your Child’s Progress Matters More Than Rank

One of the joys of having children is the delight they bring us through their accomplishments. Most of us want to stand beside our little ones and savor the moment when they receive a medal or a certificate. Many of us will go through great trouble, even real sacrifice, to help them reach their potential and be recognized for it.

But sometimes we place so many expectations on our children that we end up disappointed: with them, with their school, with their teachers, even with ourselves, when they fall short. I think it's time we look at their intelligence in context.

A note: in this article, I'm talking about intelligence in the traditional, academic sense: grades and class rank. For the wider picture of a child's gifts, see the nine intelligences.

The "all or nothing" trap

One trap parents easily fall into is thinking that a child is either the best, number one, or nothing at all. In the real world, of course, nothing beats being at the top. But in that same real world, no one stays at the top forever.

Think of two TV networks fighting for the ratings. Neither one holds the number one spot for long. Yet losing the top spot doesn't mean a network's shows got worse. Its programs may have improved, while the competitor simply improved more.

It is the same with our children. Losing the number one spot doesn't necessarily mean a child is slipping or failing to reach his potential. It may simply be that the competition improved faster. So to judge whether our child is really growing, we need to look at something other than rank.

My own story

I finished Grade 6 at a barangay elementary school with first honors. When I entered high school, I finished my first year ranked third in a class of about 200. On paper, that looked like a step down. In reality, it wasn't. The competition had simply grown, and the town kids had some early advantages. In my second year, I moved up to second. By graduation, I was class valedictorian, and with that trophy in hand, I thought I was ready to conquer the big city too.

Then I entered the University of the Philippines, and I learned that the competition can always get stiffer. Back then, I was one of only about 4,000 students who passed the UPCAT out of more than 20,000 examinees. In my first semester, I was still in the top ten of our incoming freshman class and made the Dean's List with only a few other first-year students.

But I also discovered that there were truly brilliant students in my classes, the kind who could play mahjong all night before an exam and still get perfect scores. That changed the way I looked at intelligence. I stopped competing against others and started competing against myself. I made sure I was pushing myself harder and raising my grades every semester, and I stopped fighting for number one. I measured my success by my own progress, not by where I stood next to others. If I had kept chasing the top spot, I would have ended up frustrated.

Scripture puts it well: "But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another" (Galatians 6:4, KJV).

From one parent to another

Our children naturally love to learn, but undue pressure from us can spoil the joy. Even when we never say it out loud, they can feel our anxiety when we push them too hard to be first in class.

If your child's grades are improving each quarter, that is success enough, and it is a success you can celebrate together. If they have to lose something, let it be the number one spot, not their love for learning.

— Pastor Gerry Limoso, Founder and President, The Eastbridge School. First written in 2008; revised in 2026.